As a regular user of public transport there are a number of things I have come to accept and indeed tolerate, but something that I cannot quite get to grips with is the presence of animals on the bus. Do not be mistaken, I like animals. In fact I'd go so far as to say that I quite love animals. I love then when they lie snuggled up in a toasted bun with lettuce, onions and relish, or when they are diced and tossed liberally onto a bed of mixed leaves, but these gargantuan descendants of Digby that owners try to masquerade as pets is a whole other caper.
They saunter on the bus with their owners, mouths foaming with the taste of human flesh wrapped around their gums, separated from the public by what would, under normal circumstances, be considered a sturdy chain but in this instance, is nothing stronger than the hair found on the head of a newborn.
When I was younger, there was a certain criteria an animal had to meet for it to be classified a domestic pet, for example, if your pet has wider shoulders then the current world heavyweight boxing champ, then they are probably not a pet. Or if they possess incisors sharp enough to tear your skin to confetti, then they are a long ways off from being a pet.
Perhaps my neighbour is right, we are living through the 'super-size' age and pets are the latest to fall victim to this ideology. Perhaps.
- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.
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