Thanks.

(Written on 27/12/11 at 9:30pm)

Having no time to think can be virtuous. During my first trip to Jemma El Fina, where the air is thick with the smell of spices, tagine and opportunity, I was set upon by an Arab man wielding a smile and a snake, who asked whether I wanted to hold his reptilian accessory. Me being me, I ruminated on the potential dangers of his proposal while eyeing up the cobra several inches from my foot but before I could complete my thought, the snake was swiftly lassoed around my neck and draped across my shoulders like a leathery pashmina.

Naturally, I shrieked like a child while engaging in a series of flinches and twitches as dread consumed me. The Arab man then instructed me on how to hold the neck of the snake whilst posing for a picture, a feat best mastered in order to avoid being bitten (queue rapid heart palpitations and a moist forehead).

The whole experience lasted little more than five minutes but had I been given the time to conclude my initial thought, I would have surely opted out of the opportunity but the astute salesmanship of the smiley Arab man culled my considerstions before they reached fruition, thus stonewalling me into an experience I can enjoy through the prism of hindsight, something I am grateful for.



- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:In Hindsight

Chapter 1 - Talks of a barren land.

“…So in the end, I had to spell it out for him. I…have…a uterus Steve. It’s barren land and like all barren land, I want it populated, full of THINGS, full of POTENTIAL.”

“Good for you” cheered the auburn bobbed lady sitting across from her. “What did he say?”

“Well, his first response was a full three seconds of silence, followed by and I quote...'Well, the economy is really on the decline, can we really be..' and after that, I just saw red.”

“Where you angry?” quizzed her audience of one.

“I was! But more than anything, I was fucking disappointed” her profanity punctuating her level of disdain. She poured herself her third Mai Tai, the last remnants from the pitcher they were sharing. “I mean, its not like I don’t understand or even appreciate his point but really, who cares?”

“Mmm, mmm” chimed the auburn bob in agreement.”

“So, that’s when I decided that I would lead in this situation...” She extended both arms as she announced her plan. “...That I would take the initiative, make the decision for him, so we can stop beating around the proverbial and just get it done.”

Friday nights at The Table always reeked of sexually craven clerical assistants seeking post-work relief and house brand vodka while the bustle and desperation always trumped the nostalgic whining and humming emanating from the in-house system. The Table was typical in décor, high wooden stools surrounding circular tables, each one blander than the last and adorned with a lit candle welded into the neck of a wine bottle. There were no sofas or booths, just groups of stools and tables, a posse of furniture huddled together, providing a counterfeit feeling of intimacy in a faceless establishment. It was 6:40 pm and the bar was nearing capacity, with people from the surrounding offices and businesses nursing their week-long blues with a Lager Top or some unidentifiable glass of white wine that has had its taste sufficiently drowned by liberal lashings of lemonade. In the far corner, a blonde and her auburn topped sidekick sat engaged in conversation.

“Hey ladies,” said a testosterone soaked voice behind the inebriated blonde. She refused to turn around, letting the cropped rear of her hair act as her eyes and ears. “What are we drinking?” The blonde sat still and grinned at her auburn compadre and whispered in a voice that was intentionally loud enough for the man to hear

“I can hear a voice but I can’t see the person. Have you heard, that it’s only cowards and paedophiles who make a habit of approaching woman from behind?”

“I did not know that,” replied the auburn one.

“Oh I get it,” said the voice. “Teasing me teasing me” he feigned a laugh. “As long as I get to tease you…” Auburn, who was in direct sight of the man studied the stranger, his polished grin, the stained edges of his shirt collar, his cropped haircut that some boy-band had declared cool and the fistful of hair protruding from his nostrils  - all of this allowed her to swiftly conclude him to be an unworthy addition to their nights entertainment.

The blonde continued: “Yes, in fact, they say that approaching anything from behind often signifies repressed homosexual feelings.” Auburn nodded in agreement, trying her hardest to not let her growing smile blossom into a chuckle.

“That’s a bit harsh now love isn’t it?” quizzed the man, his scarred ego manifesting in a quivering of his voice and a reddening of his cheeks. “I only wanted to buy you a drink.” He embarked on a monologue, a plea for the underdog but his voice trailed off as he took the lonely and defeated walk back to his pack of male friends.

“You can be such a bitch!” declared auburn.

“I know, but it’s my appeal.” She winked and the pair shared a moments’ laughter, a comfortable release of emotions suspect to strangers but coded to friends.

“So as I was saying,” continued the blonde, “I’ve decided toooo... come off the pill.” Auburn’s eyes widened in response and a momentary silence fell upon the space they inhabited.

“More cocktails?” asked the blonde.

“I think you better” responded Auburn.

****

Parenting?

At present, I work with children, not adolescents but actual toddlers, humans who are more dreams than reality, who speak in growls and relish the feeling of sand between their stubby fingers. It's daunting to imagine that I one day, may be a parent, a vision that I entertain more frequently than in past years.

Working closely with parents and families provides valuable insights into the limitations of human parenting, how intentions are often left unfulfilled once the ceiling of abilities are hit, how an addiction to being a part of a society that is often too large and shrouded in insincerity, can rob a person of their natural resources and resilience. Despite this, I see something quite honourable and humbling about the notion of being a parent.

So, in anticipation of my earthly demise, or the moment my capacity for remembering the salient details of past thoughts erodes, I am starting a list of values/ideas I would talk to my children about. Like all heredity values, they are themes that have played starring roles in my thoughts and experiences but hopefully, once these things have been mastered in my own life, my mere existence alone may act as an example to the children I father.





- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:Caversham Ave,,United Kingdom

Too much too soon?

It was a succession of horrific moments that culminated in a spectacular finale, a climax of self-made cringe worthy moments exploding onto a backdrop of familiarity.

This was probably a time when moderation would have served me well but instead, I jumped feet first into the well of extremities and was subsequently singed to my calves.

Still, it's worth the __________ if I learn the lessons and endeavour not to repeat the mistakes. If.




- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:There, again.

Suicidal Tendencies.

I woke up on Saturday morning to a suicide text from a friend. She wanted to fix all of her wrongs, she couldn't bear the pain and confusion that she lived with.

Her attempt was unsuccessful, she was found by a sibling and rushed to hospital, her system overdosing on angst and unprescribed medication.

She told me how annoyed she was at being found, at failing to end her own life. I stared at my phone for what seemed like a third of an eternity, trying to think of words that would help her, words that would express my deepening concern for a friend but everything felt false.

For most of the day I've sat in silence, grateful for her brother, thankful for doctors but lavished with worry for my friend, someone who is struggling to find a balanced horizon in her life.




- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:Hmmm.