Thinking (I)

1) It's very easy to be unfulfilled by everything.

2) How long until I ruin this.

3) I've eaten today and swathes of people haven't.

4) Need to be still, grateful and away.

5) Got to be better with people.








- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:On a train.

In Some Time.

Feel like I haven't used my brain for some time. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the sum total of things held in my mind have all but depleted over the last few years, with the rate increasing as I now sidestep most TV and newspapers (already I'm confusing harnessing mind power with the mass storage of meaningless trivia - antics.)

I once felt great pride in having an opinion on things but of late my interest in most things dwindles above nonexistence. 

It's in these moments that I ask myself what I really knew, what I truly understood beyond the soundbites and strap-lines. Trawling through literature and editorials allowed me to have a vague opinion on something, opinions, which like a genteel smile or striking sense of style assist us when rallying through social setting but what did I actually know?  

At this point, I'm almost inclined to believe that what I know or think is hidden behind years of distractions and an inability to filter mass media. 






















- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking. 

January

January, is typically a time of overwhelming enthusiasm coupled with the budgetary restrictions that follow the hedonism that is December. It's typical for a person to splice through January with the focus and precision of a Jedi Knight, but my January has been slightly different.

Yes, it's been decorated with the usual scrapings of introspection & narcissism but more than anything else it's been a time of realisation. I've lived for some thirty odd years but at this point, more than ever, I've started to feel old and not the comical curmudgeon rants of nostalgia & confusion that appear in waves throughout the year - Why does Byron need his own franchise, Captain Bird's Eye didn't - but a different type of old, the old that comes from having not seized and created opportunities, the old that stems from being entrenched in societal norms, the old that realises that passions and energy do dwindle with time.


It's a harrowing place to reside because to accept it, means acknowledging the absence of youth and that if your future is/can be modelled on your present, then the remainder of this prelude to middle aged-hood will contain more numbing & unfulfilling routines.




- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.