I want to be Vin Diesel

I watched Fast Five over the weekend and enjoyed it immensely. For those unfamiliar with the film, it’s about a team of Top Gear enthusiasts who use their knowledge of sparkplugs to exploit the criminal underworld of Brazil – or something of that nature. Any who, as I sat through ninety plus minutes of high octane car chases and urban slurs (big up Tyrese), I found myself slowly warming to the character Dominic, a moody protagonist, played by Vin Diesel, whose monotone exchanges and bland face make him the human equivalent of the colour used to decorate prison walls. That aside, there were three reasons why I gravitated towards him:

1) Bad dialogue notwithstanding, Dominic is a criminal with conviction and has an unbreakable allegiance to his team of chiselled bandits.

2) Beyond an endless supply of white tees, white vests of white jeans, his desires are minimal, the sign of a man who has mastered himself.

3) Dominic, like many a shaved head psychopath, is a man of his word. Whether it is enacting revenge on enemies past, or sharing his Tesco Petrol Points, he prides himself on being a man who lives by a set of self-compiled standards.