Thinking (I)

1) It's very easy to be unfulfilled by everything.

2) How long until I ruin this.

3) I've eaten today and swathes of people haven't.

4) Need to be still, grateful and away.

5) Got to be better with people.








- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:On a train.

In Some Time.

Feel like I haven't used my brain for some time. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the sum total of things held in my mind have all but depleted over the last few years, with the rate increasing as I now sidestep most TV and newspapers (already I'm confusing harnessing mind power with the mass storage of meaningless trivia - antics.)

I once felt great pride in having an opinion on things but of late my interest in most things dwindles above nonexistence. 

It's in these moments that I ask myself what I really knew, what I truly understood beyond the soundbites and strap-lines. Trawling through literature and editorials allowed me to have a vague opinion on something, opinions, which like a genteel smile or striking sense of style assist us when rallying through social setting but what did I actually know?  

At this point, I'm almost inclined to believe that what I know or think is hidden behind years of distractions and an inability to filter mass media. 






















- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking. 

January

January, is typically a time of overwhelming enthusiasm coupled with the budgetary restrictions that follow the hedonism that is December. It's typical for a person to splice through January with the focus and precision of a Jedi Knight, but my January has been slightly different.

Yes, it's been decorated with the usual scrapings of introspection & narcissism but more than anything else it's been a time of realisation. I've lived for some thirty odd years but at this point, more than ever, I've started to feel old and not the comical curmudgeon rants of nostalgia & confusion that appear in waves throughout the year - Why does Byron need his own franchise, Captain Bird's Eye didn't - but a different type of old, the old that comes from having not seized and created opportunities, the old that stems from being entrenched in societal norms, the old that realises that passions and energy do dwindle with time.


It's a harrowing place to reside because to accept it, means acknowledging the absence of youth and that if your future is/can be modelled on your present, then the remainder of this prelude to middle aged-hood will contain more numbing & unfulfilling routines.




- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Absence Ended

It occurred to me that I haven't written a blogpost for sometime. It would be cliche of me to confess that my blogging had been suspended due to time spent in Goa, learning the language and the boundless opportunities of cooking with lentils. It would also be a lie.

In reality I've been indulging heavily in the habits that know me best, reading, drinking coffee and condensing my ideas into 140 characters. What a funny thing Twitter is. For years the world has stood in awe of writers and thinkers able to churn out dense diatribes but we're now content with the totality of thought being summed up in 140 characters (and an emoticon of our choosing).

Any-who, this is just a reminder to me that I have this space, should I wish to fully expand on the things that occupy my time here on earth. Like Skyfall. What a horrific escapade through mediocrity that was.




- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:Eastcastle St,London,United Kingdom

Three Things I Learnt This Week

1) If you look hard enough, you'll find exactly what you're looking for. Not because it exists but because you will manipulate and often bypass reality until it meets your desires.

2) Excuses say more about the person then the situation they are facing.

3) Dwelling in knowledge other than that of yourself, only acts as an anchor.


- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:London Bridge

Awake

Charles Dickens suffered from insomnia. He used the additional hours granted to him by this affliction, to observe the restless metropolis and the antics of its population.

I prefer to ride the night bus and alight at random stops, casually acknowledging the nocturnal societies, societies comprised of socialites, students, shift workers and ill-tempered mini cab drivers, a humbling and haunting cohort.

As much as a person may fear for their safety, there is a disturbing comfort that exists within night time. The city lies in limbo, between the routine escapism of the night just passed and the savage bustle of the day to come. These early hours of inebriation and hallucination are probably the most honest moments that can exist within a place such as this.



- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:The N29

4 months later.

You can end up losing the best people in your life through being afraid, afraid to be honest, afraid to love, afraid of letting yourself be loved. People say and probably do understand but they will not enable it forever. Continue this for long enough and you'll find that even you want to escape yourself.

For all the shit I spout, I live with large amounts of shame, ignorance and fear and behave accordingly routinely, not to all people but to the few that make it over the wall.







- I write in order to avoid talking, for you see as a human, I suck at talking.

Location:Albany Close,London,United Kingdom